The What Ifs in Life

All through junior & senior high school I had a friend that I could rely on for everything and anything. We had our ups and downs throughout the years. One minute we were best buds and the next minute we were screaming vulgarities at each other. It was the typical love-hate relationship. When we were sophomores we decided that maybe we should take our friendship to the next level. Neither of us was driving yet, but we had another friend that was. So we went on a few double dates. This lasted a few months and all was good. Then one day I find out through another friend that he is also seeing someone else. Ok, so I’m 16 years old, my long time friend and short time boyfriend has just done the ultimate, terrible, typical 16 year old guy thing to do. And of course, I think my life is over and I’m completely devastated. So our short lived relationship comes to an end, but so does our friendship. The next few months were just terrible for me. I really just wanted to undo the last few months and go back to just being friends again. And even though he was the one that did wrong in the relationship, he was also the one that wouldn’t speak to me. So the school year ended and we were not on speaking terms. Then the famous summer of 1994!!! This was probably the best summer of my teenage life. I was driving, I had a car, and not a care in the world. I would stay up all night & sleep all day. What a great life I had at 16!! Then one day while driving through the big town of Claysburg, who do I see parked at the Mobile station? Oh yes, it is my long lost friend. So I pull up beside him & he starts talking to me like I’m his best friend again & all is well. It didn’t work out with him and the other girl, so again he’s available. So dumby me falls back into his smooth-talking trap and we’re dating again. This time single dating because we are driving!!! So this didn’t even make it until the end of summer, but we mutually agreed that we were better off friends. Our junior year started and everything was like old times. I started dating someone else and he was dating someone new every other week. We had every class together so of course my new boyfriend was very jealous of our friendship. But summer eventually came and I didn’t see him much. Then finally we are seniors!!! Our senior year started off a little rocky with a conflict between him and the guy I had been dating for about a year now. It ended peacefully with me and my friend explaining that we really were just friends. Anyway, everything was great for us all through our senior year. We were such good friends and told each other everything. Then graduation came around and we lost touch. Other friends had told me that he was drinking a lot and getting into a lot of trouble. He was a star athlete and a pretty good student. But he never went to college and I really didn’t know what he was doing with his life. It was about 3 years later I had recently broken up with my long term boyfriend/fiancée & I was in a local bar with some friends. Out of the corner of eye I see this guy walking towards me. And of course, it was him. So the rumors are true, you are doing nothing with your life but hanging out in bars?! He looked terrible. He had put on about 50 pounds & he looked like he had been drunk for about 3 weeks straight. I couldn’t believe this was my friend, the star football player! What had happened to him? Why did he do this to himself? So we talked for a few minutes and I pretty much blew him off. He was not the same person I knew in high school. And he was the type of guy that girls do NOT want to pick up in a bar. So now its been 10 years since we graduated and about 7 years since I’ve seen him. I think about him regularly. I have even had some dreams about him. For a while I was dreaming about him a lot. It was really starting to bother me because I had no idea what was going on in his life. I’ve had family members and friends run into him. I would tell them to tell him that I’ve been wondering about him. And ask them how he’s doing? I was really hoping he would show up at our 10 year reunion, but he didn’t. So where is he & what’s he doing now? Well last I heard, he had a daughter about 2 years ago. Just this past summer he married his daughter’s mother. He’s doing construction work for some small company. He smokes pot regularly and has been arrested numerous times for DUI. He had been living in Claysburg, but I was informed today that because of his numerous DUI arrests his address for the next few months will be Blair County Prison. So now I look at my life and all the great, wonderful things that have happened to me since I’ve lost contact with this friend. I went to college; I got a job; I met my future husband; I got another job; I got my own place; I got married; I had a baby; I bought a house; I had another baby & here I am. Its funny how different people’s lives turn out. You look at someone at the age of 18 and think what kind of success they have in store for themselves. Then because of a few bad decisions or a few wrong turns, everything can change. Maybe I’m just lucky by nature or maybe I have the right Man leading my life. Sure maybe my life is boring to some, but I know that I am very lucky and grateful for the simple things in life. Sometimes you look at your life and life’s achievements and you wonder what if I would have done this differently? But for me I know that everything I have done and haven’t done has been for the good of the whole picture of my life. Sure, I may not have all the riches of the world or all the happiness anyone could ever ask for, but the struggles in life and hard times make us who we are today. I thank my friend for being my friend all throughout school. That friend helped me many times. I hope that someday my prayers for him can return the favor.